I like to have fun... no, that's not true, actually, I like boredom, hanging out with my enemies, and sitting home Friday nights watching my hair gray. I only write this because every moron with a keyboard can't resist the urge to state the thunderously obvious fact that he or she likes to have fun and how. OK, about me... I was recently called a "curmudgeon" because I'm a grumpy bastard. I will probably make you laugh, often in disbelief. I posture like an egotistical, self-infatuated, asshole... and I am those things, for the most part. I'm a philosophy major, so I like to argue. I argue when I feel like it and, more often than not, when you don’t. You won't want to argue with me, because I'm petty and I don't like to lose... probably much like you. If you have delicate ideas or fragile opinions I will push and prod until you admit that they are irrational or half thought out ...or until you get so pissed you storm off in a huff. When it comes to beliefs I'm a bully at the beach: I like to kick sandcastles. I am better than you in almost every way except that thing you do with cherry stems at parties- there you have me beat and I'll admit, I'm jealous. I like to parody myself in surveys along the lines of the above mentioned self-infatuation. I make awful jokes about abortion and the holocaust and swarms of killer bees: get used to it. Acting like I can’t joke about those things isn’t going to make them go away. Psychoanalyzing me is like psychoanalyzing Hannibal Lecter, so don’t bother: you’re not going to get very far because the real me is walled up behind layers of neuroses and contrived histories of myself I invented on a whim. You might as well psychoanalyze the Dictionary. I'm not as abrasive as this little About Me suggests. Really, I'm cuddly and sweet and volunteer at the old folks home braiding old ladies hair and losing to them at gin. "Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself." -Friedrich Nietzsche