I wonder how long this could last. Maybe someday, years from now - if the pain could just decrease to the point where I could bear it - I could be able to look back on those few short months that would always be the best of my life. And , if it were possible that the pain would ever soften enough to allow me to do that, I was sure that I would feel grateful for as much time as he'd given me. More than I'd ask for, more than I'd deserved. Maybe someday I'd be able to see it that way. But what if this hole never got any better? If the raw edges never healed? If the damage was permanent and ireversible?